If you’re an American and you want to make more money as a couple, you should marry an Asian. Asian-American couples make more than any other interracial couple. And it doesn’t matter if you marry an Asian male or an Asian female – by just marrying an Asian you might get your golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.
Yes, the sample size of the study is small. But it’s not hard to believe since Asians have been making more money than most other races for a while.
You could say this has to do with brain drain out of Asian countries, or you could say that Asians work in industries that pay more, or you can say that Asians are just flat out smarter than other races.
Or, you could say it has to do with Asian parenting, specifically, Chinese parenting.
According to the authors of “Welcome to Your Child’s Brain: How the Mind Grows From Conception to College,” self-control predicts success in education, career, and marriage.
Indeed, childhood self-control is twice as important as intelligence in predicting academic achievement. Conversely, poor self-control in elementary school increases risk of adult financial difficulties, criminal behavior, single parenthood and drug dependence.” – NYT
Ignoring the fact that this quote sandwiched the risk of “single parenthood” between “criminal behavior” and “drug dependence,” we all know that Chinese parents focus on self-control while American parents focus on self-esteem. We can thank Amy Chua for that.
But Asians have been out-earning any other race for a long time, so you can’t help but rethink the self-control vs. self-esteem debate when it comes to earning potential for your kids.
If I had to choose one, teaching your kids self-control is better than focusing on building their self-esteem. Big shocker, I know. Self-control leads to self-esteem, and according to my 34 years of non-parenting, I have complete authority to speak about parenting.
Hear me out. Without self-control, it’s harder to get things done. If you can’t get things done, how are you supposed to accomplish anything? If you can’t accomplish anything, how are you supposed to have self-esteem?
I guess you could have self-esteem without accomplishing anything, but I don’t know anyone who fits that mold. And I’m too Chinese-like to even understand how that works, so forget I said that.
And of course kids can gain self-esteem when their parents praise them, like most American parents do. But if they’re empty praises, do you really think that helps build their self-esteem?
In fact, studies show that sincerity of the praise is crucial. And kids who are older than seven know the difference between a “real” compliment and one that’s maybe a little fake because you’re just trying to make them feel good.
Seriously, it’s weird when people praise their kids all the time for doing something that’s old news. “You tied your shoe, good job!” The kid learned how to tie their shoe six months ago, why are we still talking about this shoe-tying thing?
The same theory goes for adults too. If you tell a supermodel she is hot, don’t you think she already knows that? Exactly. The value of a compliment goes down each time you dole out the same one, and kids know that. It’s simple supply and demand like anything else.
You build self-esteem by giving someone a compliment on something that they’ve worked hard at, but maybe no one has noticed yet. In other words, don’t just go for the low hanging fruit when you’re giving a compliment, it’s less valuable and often less sincere.
I know that most American parents don’t think about earning potential when they’re raising their kids. I agree, that’s a little weird. But, if we know that poor self-control in elementary school increases the risk of financial difficulties, criminal behavior, single parenthood and drug dependence, why wouldn’t parents focus on self-control over self-esteem?
It’s less warm and fuzzy than raising a seemingly “confident” child. But everyone is insecure to a certain extent, so why not raise an insecure kid who can bring home the bacon?
Interracial Couples Who Make The Most Money (Economix, NYT)
How Not To Talk To Your Kids (NY Mag)
Teaching Self-Control, The American Way (NYT)
After reading this I can understand why you don’t have kids
I’m not sure what you mean
Once again, you are completely spot on. This is exactly the kind of thing that parents and future parents need to hear and that Americans have such a hard time with. Tough love is not something that comes very easily to us as a culture, and that fact is coming back to bite us all in the you know what. I’ve read so many things about the helicopter parents who raised the millennials, the you get a trophy just for showing up generation, and how they are having a hard time adjusting to the work place because they want work to be fun and because they have been raised to believe that they are special and above the normal rules. False entitlement doesn’t do anyone any favors. I just ordered “Welcome to Your Child’s Brain: How the Mind Grows From Conception to College”. Thanks for keeping us informed and on our toes!
Love your blog -totally right on!
I totally agree and I have two kids. I was the only parent upset that everyone on my daughter’s gymnastic’s team got a ribbon….even if you didn’t place. I know my daughter is only 5 and I also know that she doesn’t have a career in gymnastics. In fact she sucks at it. Yet she received two ribbons and thought it was the best thing ever. Would I enjoy seeing her cry because she didn’t get a ribbon? No, but at least I could explain to her that not everyone wins and not everyone is good at gymnastics (or any other sport for that matter).
I can’t stand how all of the kids get ribbons and medals these days. No wonder kids think they are entitled to everything.
I’m laughing…..that you got upset when they all got ribbons, even though you say your daughter sucks at gymnastics. Classic.
I think that by giving ribbons to “everyone” it disincentivizes the kids who received metals, but actually deserved them. If they see everyone getting them, why would they need to work so hard to get them next time.
I’m glad you had a good laugh. We have another meet on St. Patty’s Day (ugh!) and I think everyone is going to receive ribbons AGAIN. At least I don’t have to travel to this one…its a home meet.
I definitely agree with you though. Everyone should not get a ribbon.
Ms. Kathryn,
You don’t have to be a parent to make sense. I am a parent of 3 boys. You are correct with this description:
sefl-control > accomplishments > self-esteem
This doesn’t apply just to earning money, however, but to any life endeavor. Pretending that artists are “above” the mundanity of grubbing for money – do you think that an artist who has no self-control can learn to play her violin well? or apply paint to the canvass to create his vision?
Honeslty – Does anyone not believe that Lady Gaga carefully plans every exposure of her self?
I would say she is a woman of very high self-esteem. I admire her greatly, because she shows how much a person can accomplish through self-control.
Self control is only one path to self esteem.
psychopaths have lots of self esteem.
the incarcerated have the highest measured self esteem of any group in the USA.
self esteem is easily attained and of little value.
better to focus on self control and accomplishment and accept the resulting self esteem as a minor by product.
nicely done blog, BTW. I look forward to poking around more.
Great point. Bernie Madoff fits in that “high self esteem/psychopath” category quite nicely.